


The Anonymous Troll

by Bearflame



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-29
Updated: 2013-09-12
Packaged: 2017-12-24 23:33:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bearflame/pseuds/Bearflame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rumpelstiltskin AU. Jane made a deal with Karkat to strengthen her Aspect so she could save her dad. A hundred years later Karkat has appeared in John's time to finish the deal. John must guess his name before the end of the week or lose his family's property to the trolls's growing kingdom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. John ==> Be Insulted

**Author's Note:**

> So everyone in this AU has Aspect powers but they are substantially weaker than in canon. To most they only appear minimally as subconscious things like good luck or a tendency to have the wind on your side.

"Hey there fuckface" you look towards the speaker and grin.

"Not your most creative insult... Percy?" you take another guess at the nubby-horned troll's name.

"Still wrong, and you've guessed that one before John." The troll smirks at you. You look at him and remember that it was only a few days ago that this whole guessing-game business started.

-

You had been in your room when he showed up, suddenly appearing behind you while you had been going over your notebook full of potential pranks. 

"Hello John Egbert" he had smirked at you then too. But he had obviously not been expecting the response he got.

"Holy shit that was so cool how did you do that can you teach me?!" You had run up to him in excitement, your glasses nearly falling off your face in your rush, you knew a potential pranking asset when you saw one.

He had backed up a step, causing you to notice his appearance. He had grey skin and two nubby orange horns. His eyes were also yellow and red and huge, though that could have been due to the beyond excited greeting he had gotten (the huge part not the yellow and red, that was probably how they always looked). He also wore an outfit that sort of resembled Dave's knight uniform.

"You're a troll!" you had said, surprised.

"No shit dumbass! Wow your lusus must be so fucking proud of you for being able to make simple deductions. Someone give this man an award! It can be called the 'I'm too big an idiot to take my fingers out of my mucus shafts to notice anything beyond the completely obvious award' and you will be the only winner in history." That was the exact moment you decided the loud troll was going to be your friend. 

"So what is a troll doing here? In my room specifically?" You had brushed off the rant like you would do many times in the near future.

"I'm here to collect payment on a deal." he had said the words that really and truly started the entire fiasco.

"I never made a deal with you," You knew better, having grown up with stories about trolls and their deals and their innate mastery over the Aspects.

"You didn't but your grandmother did" the troll then proceeded to tell you a story about Jane Crocker and her deal for a recipe.

She had desperately wanted to strengthen her aspect, the Life Aspect, because her father had died. She knew it would have to be done before anything happened to the body that might make it irreparable. So she had seeked out the help of the trolls. She had been given a recipe which strengthened her aspect powers enough to bring back her dad. Part of the deal had been that she would have to find out the name of the one who had delivered the recipe to her or forfeit her property to the troll, the troll standing in front of John.

"Wait so if you're the one who gave my Nana the recipe, doesn't that make you like, a hundred years old?" You knew that some trolls have really long lifespans but this guy looked your age.

"No assfuck I'm not a hundred, I time traveled. For me the deal was made just a few hours ago, maybe a day while for you it was about ... actually it **was** a hundred years ago considering your grandmother's lifespan being extended and her slowed aging because of her Aspect... damn maybe you aren't a moron."

"So you can time-travel? That's so cool, my friend Dave is trying to learn to do that." 

"And I am immediately proven wrong, you are the king of the morons. It was Aradi- You know what it's none of your business."

-

After that day you have been involved in an intense guessing-game that sometimes lasts all hours of the day. Apparently there is only a week left before the deal is up. You really wish Nana had told you about this ahead of time so you could have prepared a little, found out common troll names or at least how troll names sounded. The only thing you could think of was the old rumplestiltskin story and when you guessed Rumplestiltskin the troll almost threw your desk at you and called you a number of names insulting your intelligence and/or using words you didn't understand. You wish you could remember the whole tirade because it was basically the best thing you had ever heard.

That aside you really need to get your butt to the library and see if Nana left you  _anything_ to help you with this whole name thing.


	2. Karkat ==> Be Annoyed

"Why are you here?" John asks you. The two of you are sitting in one of the unused rooms of his family's estate,  _lucky human bastard._  You had been reading one of the books you had brought with you (which was in Alternian, thankfully, or else you might be too embarrassed to read it in front of others).

"John I refuse to explain the deal to you again and I can't believe that even you are enough of an imbecile to have forgotten something so im-"

"Nonono!" he cuts you off before you can get into the flow of your rant."I mean why do you stay here all the time? In the fairy tales the one who makes the deal shows up, gives the people some time to guess and stuff, and then poofs away for the day. You basically just live here now." He looks at you upside down from the chair he had sprawled himself across.

"If you keep referencing that stupid Rumplestiltskin story I am going to find every book that it is written in and use them for kindling in your funeral pyre." You are getting very sick of being compared to, from what you have inferred, a dwarf-elf thing with a weird name and a penchant for stealing wrigglers. You especially don't understand the last bit, who would want a human wriggler?

"I didn't say Rumplestiltskin this time, it is a valid comparison, and you didn't answer my question," John raises an eyebrow at you, which looks especially ridiculous upside-down.

"Why is it that sometimes you're smart and sometimes you are the stupidest being to ever walk the planet? Nevermind, your attempt at an explaination will probably be physically painful to listen to. And before you say I am avoiding the question," you sigh, "I'm here because it isn't in my power to leave and come back on a whim. I sorta hitched a ride here with a friend,"

"Okay,"

"Wait that's it, you aren't going to mock me for being incapable of transporting myself or get pissed that I didn't tell you sooner?" This is not how anyone you have known would have reacted. Well, except maybe Gamzee, but he's your moirail so he doesn't count.

"That's it. Well except for one thing, why aren't you wearing your cool knight outfit anymore?" John asks. You do not understand humans.

"Because I prefer sweaters okay?" He obviously did not expect you to be so defensive. You get up and walk out of the room acting as if you are fed up with John, you are, no mistaking but you also just got to a part in your book that you are too embarrassed to read in front of anyone. Some stupid part of your think pan is convinced that somehow John would be able to know what is happening in the book and you really can't take that chance. Of course it doesn't matter that you left because the stupid nookwhiffer is following you.

"Wait up um... Carlos?" He guesses while trying to catch up.

"Wrong." But sorta close, the number of letters and the beginning sound is right, it seems like something you would guess. Of course you won't tell  _him_  any of that.

"Wait..." he gives you an odd look. You wonder if he could somehow tell he was close by your face. "Is your name John too?" nevermind.

"John if I had the displeasure of sharing a name with you I would have eviscerated myself with a rusty spoon the moment I learned of your existence." You can't imagine why you are so paranoid thinking he knows more than he lets on, he has never shown any real insight that would lead you to believe such a thing.

"Ouch. Where are you going?"  _Nosy bulgechafing fuckface._  

"My room." You respond bluntly.

"Since when do you have a room?" 

"Since shut up." since you took one that is kinda far away from everything and doesn't appear to be used at the moment. You don't want John knowing where it is though because it is the only place to get some peace and quiet in this place. So many people live here that it is really hard to find somewhere where you are not surrounded by whispers about why you are here and stupid people and their stupid misconceptions about trolls. John is annoying but at least he doesn't pretend to know anything about your species. You still don't want him finding your room though. "Actually I feel like going to the kitchen instead."

The two of you mange to arrive at the kitchen without getting lost, despite the fact that you are leading the way. You only know the way because during the time you spent with Jane, she spent most of her time in here. You had learned quickly to stay out of her way after she threatened to stab you with a fork for knocking over some batter, but still spent a good amount of time loitering around this kitchen while working out the details of your deal. You had also spent a little time after making the deal to be sure the recipe worked, the bargain was void otherwise.

The kitchen was empty which was not suprising. Lunch had ended a little while ago and it was hours before dinner. The place was almost as well-kept as it had been under Jane's command. Her son is apparntly as fanatical about baking as she was.

Out of habit you take you old position of sitting on that one counter in the corner which still after a hundred years manages to have stayed empty. Or maybe thats just a coincidence. For some reason John laughs at you sitting there. 

"What?" You gripe.

"Nothing. It's just that that is the spot where Nana used to set me whenever she would give me cooking lessons. She said that that spot was for sitting, dad and I never set anything there because she used to get mad when we did." His little story explains why your spot is still empty. You are surprised Jane would have done something that seems so  _fond_ considering you wanted to take her property for Feferi's growing kingdom (queendom? empressdom? whatever.)

"Damn, that's time-shenanigans for you I guess." you mumble. "I should probably be used to this sort of thing by now," but you aren't.

"Why would you be used to time-shenanigans?" Shit you had been louder than you thought.

"Why should I tell you?" you deny the urge to just talk to him, that would be dangerously close to a feelings jam and you are not willing to cheat on Gamzee. And the only other person that such openness would be acceptable with is a matesprit and... you refuse to follow that train of thought.

"Because were friends!" It has been confirmed, humans are total palesluts. But you suppose so long as you don't talk about feelings and stuff it's okay. Besides if you don't say anything he won't stop bugging you.

"I get sent all over the timeline to help expand the territory of the empress." you say, that is something that could be read straight off your files, nothing deep or personal.

"Cool...?" He looks very doubtful about his response, probably because your expression is decidedly not the one of someone who is  _bragging_ about their job.

"Until I can't remember which year I'm supposed to be in," You know this is getting into pale territory but it's hard to resist a good chance to complain about your job.

He obviously couldn't think of a response, you expected that. What you didn't expect was for him to drag you off the counter into a crushing hug.

"Dammit John let me the fuck go right now!" You shout.

"You need a hug though," he isn't letting go. It doesn't help that your brain is trying ot figure out if this is flushed or pale and is flipping through some of the situations from your romance novels against your will. Damn subconscious.

"John no. I don't need or want a hug let go," you try really hard to tell yourself that the hug wasn't nice, you really do.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter of this thing! I don't know how often this will update considering school and stuff but hopefully having this first chapter up instead of just sitting in a word document will help motivate me to work on it.


End file.
